Tell S.A.H.W.

Tell S.A.H.W. is posted on liars cheaters (no “R”) us! Ok, so I already know this is going to be a huge issue for a lot of women, and people are going to hate me for it… but the fact is, I am strangely attracted to married men, and I think it is going to end up destroying me. When I say attracted to I don’t mean that being married makes a guy hot to me, or that I go out of my way to hunt down men with rings on their finger. Both of the married men I have been involved with never even wore a ring. I just mean for some reason, I keep attracting them, and unfortunately they keep attracting me. I don’t know, maybe I just like a man that has his sh*t together. Maybe I’m attracted to success. Maybe I get some kind of weird thrill sexually, participating in something that I know is wrong… and maybe I’m just a home wrecker that has deeper issues than I care to realize. Whatever the actual reason it seems like they are the only type of men I ever seem to date and actually fall for. I know what you are already thinking… it is wrong, ON SO MANY LEVELS, and I should be completely ashamed of myself. Well guess what, I AM. My first experience put me through so much emotionally that I quit my job, lost nearly 80lbs. and refused to leave my apartment building for almost 6 months. So before you judge me know that I have definitely paid the price. Mainly because in both of these cases I have been taken completely by surprise. I had no clue either of these men had a wife at home, let alone a family. After that first experience I swore to myself that I would never put myself, or ANY OTHER WOMAN for that matter, through ANY of that again. Yet here I am, almost 8 1/2 months into a relationship that was starting to bring me back to life, and I’m starting to feel like I’m having Deja VU. He lives in a different city so these past 8 months we haven’t been able to spend as much time together as we wanted, or at least I thought. After almost a year and a half of leaving the company I was working for, I have come full circle and put myself in a position to be offered a promotion and the chance to actually relocate from NYC to the same city he lives in… Los Angeles. You would think this would all be great news, and that the world was finally starting to balance out, but the closer I get to actually moving out to LA, the more distance he seems to be putting between us. He says it’s just crazy work stuff, which would be totally understandable except for ONE FACT THAT I CANNOT IGNORE… this whole distance thing only started at the time of me mentioning my promotion, and my possible move. With the way he has been talking to me this whole time it is so weird for him to be acting distant all of a sudden and I can’t help but to think that there once again, is just more to this story. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I will not let another man derail my career, or watch him put his family through what I witnessed a couple years ago. Whether or not I take this promotion and move to LA will be totally based on what is best for me and I’m not going to go chasing a married man halfway across the country. It scares me though because if I find out he is married, or there is something else going on out there I just might purposely not go to LA because it would just be too much. It would be such a distraction I might loose sight of why I moved there in the first place, and the promotion and the move would pretty much be all for nothing. Then again am I doing what I told myself I wouldn’t and letting another man derail my career? Don’t get me wrong I take full responsibility for what happened to ma a couple years ago. I have the therapy bills to prove it. I just don’t know what to do and I really need some advice from all of you, if you can forgive me for what I was, and see me for what I am trying to become. I don’t think this will all really come to the surface until I’m actually out there, but at that point, will it all be too late…

 

Author: user

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